she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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