she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
