Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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