Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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