my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
