if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
