Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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