remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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