he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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