Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
