i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
