I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
