his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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