he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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