So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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