You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
