When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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