Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
