Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize