i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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