PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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