Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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