Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
