those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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