you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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