I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
