Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize