She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
