FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
