Umm I'm too high to move.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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