so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
