She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
