Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
