my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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