those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
