I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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