you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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