I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Randomize
