the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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