My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
