so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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