I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
