you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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