His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
