I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think your dad took our porno
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
