If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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