I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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