Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He? As in you personified your dick?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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