were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
