im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
