i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
