Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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