Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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