maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
