when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
