This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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