My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
