come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
