Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And then he peed in my hair
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