Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
