He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
