capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I would ride that face into the sunset
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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