I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
