okay pat passed out under dana's car
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
