i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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