it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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