That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
