I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
