You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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