I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
