dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
