He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he puts the penis in happiness.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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