Porn is love you can see.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
