Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize