Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
