Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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