I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
