it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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