I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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