Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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