Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
