dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
