Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
