You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize