According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
