i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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