I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
