As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
