Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
