Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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