I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
