ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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