threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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