Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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