I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
