I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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