im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
