I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's never too late to be topless.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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