I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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