i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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