you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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