Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm at about main and main street
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize