...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That was an excessively violent trivia night
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
